Thursday, 6 March 2008

Vogel sues yoghurt manufacturer

Important note: Estate agents, narrowboat designers, Mitsubishi salespeople and trumpet and camera manufacturers please form an orderly (but expectant) queue. You will all get your turn and there will be plenty to go round.

I have decided to identify and sue the unspeakable b*st*rds who some time during, I don't know, the 70s or 80s or some other ridiculous decade, brought out this TV jingle:

We're the Yogga
The Yogga
The Yogga Kids
Got our pictures
On the lids

This bl**dy awful drivel is permanently occupying space in my brain that should be used for telephone numbers, what I am supposed to be doing next, the name of some nice person that I've known for ten years but who is temporarily just a friendly face, German noun genders, and so on. I did not invite this horrible doggerel in but now it has taken up residence behind some kind of mental wardrobe and pops up at inconvenient times and stops me knowing the number of that useful bus that (eventually) goes to Brent Cross.

I mean, this appalling tripe is not even as good as its brain-squatting space-sharer, the Muppets doing Muh Nuh Muh Nuh which at least makes me laugh: thank you Viv Goldberg, for that bit is all your fault. (Actually, the solos from the guy in the green top sound just like me trying to improvise - maybe that's where I acquired my "style"?)

Someone has to pay for this outrage. Join me in my class action. The Yogga Kids will suffer for what they have done to me, to society. It must be worth millions.

PS No Tamsin, it is not even a very good song, that is correct. The Yogga Kids is not listed in the better dictionaries of music, nor in Barlow and Morgenstern's fine work of melodic indexing. Neither Bach nor Schubert would be very likely to weep with envy at the sheer beauty of its lines.

PPS Please do NOT ask me to sing you this if you do not already know it. I fear that it has the power, virus-like, to install itself in your brain and continue to try to propagate from there. Look what it's done to me. Don't let it ruin your life too!

PPS Ob-yoghurt comment: I never tried this product but I can tell you quite confidently, extrapolating from the ad campaign, that it was utterly disgusting and probably full of aspartame or whatever repulsive equivalent they had in them t'days eee aye.

Update: posting this has made it much much worse. Now I get this horrid horrid horrid song on the brain every time I look at my own blog. Gak! What a great idea that was...

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