Fake synth trumpets on Herbert Grönemeyer's "Mambo" from "4630 Bochum"

Herbie how could you do this? They're nice parts too. Kindly slap yourself round the head - zweimal bitte - and employ some real trumpets next time. Sheesh

You wouldn't replace the fine sax player Frank Kirchner with some microchip, would you? Well then. Even though they're quite well done they're still not real.

Erm. Are they? No. Surely. Blimey. What's wrong with my ears? No, fake.

Unless, dear reader, you know otherwise…


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Mobile, hence terse.

I'm after your money ... please!

Hello. If you read this blog and like it or me at all, or even if you hate me and it - I really don't mind - please consider coughing up a few quid or dollars or whatever to help...

I do hate people grovelling to their online friends for charity money ... er, unless it's really necessary. Please follow this link and scroll down to "Medical Bills for orphan hit by car". I guarantee that this is the real deal and that every dollar you donate is a DIRECT help. The cool thing is, if a few friends donate 5 or 10 bucks/quid/whatever each that very quickly builds. No-one's expecting you to go there and donate crazy money, but, like I say, a few bucks ... all the difference. Sorry to grovel like this but please please go and have a look. Thanks!

Just to clarify:

• Kaihura is Martha's village.
• The people making the appeal, who run the orphanage, are Martha's friends.
• The kid injured in the RTA is well-known to Martha and was in her class at school.
• Hospital treatment in Uganda costs ... not a fortune by US or UK (private) standards, but it costs.
• You can help very directly. Thank you.

The Infanta Marfs is on the way to the Mara!

I’ve neglected this poor blog so badly recently that a large proportion of my massive base of readers will have no idea what that title means.

I now need to do about 3000 pages of writing which just briefly deal with, er, the entire year, including a colossal and lifetime-significant trip to Kenya and Uganda, where the Infanta Marfs has been flying the flag for British Youngpersonhood … er, or something.

And that by the way is the good news – the young aristocrat in question is on her way down to the Masai Mara courtesy of the lovely Safarilink, having been kicking her heels in Nairobi for more days than she really wanted … so this is nice, good news and I was thrilled to hear it.

Quite why the blog is so much in the doldrums I am not sure. Sure, although my time management used to be truly appalling, it is now much, much worse than that. This can’t be helping. And then … Facebook and Twitter make it seductively easy to post some quick nonsense about philosopy and the nature of religion, life, football and classical music whereas it’s harder work to come here and do proper writing about serious topics like, ah, Strawberry Yoghurt. It is harder when it is not in a little box, but it is really quite low-value writing when it is.

I was very moved the other day when a Young Person of my acquaintance pointed out that I’d written very little here recently, and suggested that I should write more. I do, seriously, need to do some thinking about this … but, yes I wish I were writing more too. As it says in the FIQ somewhere, one reason that I do it is that I sometimes like to go back and read it. Well apart from the rants and the OCDish bits about spelling, Attlee or whatever.

Hmmmmmmmmm. I must try to write sometimes. Must try. Try.

Bliss - Peter Collyer, Baroque Viola, St Anne's

Absolute bliss!!

I wish I had written more at the time but really the line above says it all. Gorgeous concert, fine player, favourite place.

Location:Staining Ln,City of London,United Kingdom

Hmmm yes … the silly location thing is never quite right, but hey, it makes me laugh …

Gig-a-blog, 26th March, St Anne's, Gandalpho

Gandolpho: Eleanor Harrison, baroque violin, David Wright, harpsichord

Corelli: Sonata No 10 in F Major Biber: SonataNo3 inFMajor Babell: Variations on ‘Vo Far Guerra’ for solo harpsichord Handel: Sonata in D Major HWV 371

Phew! Made it back to London's Premier Lunchtime Gig Church(tm) today after another insanely busy period in my life.

Corelli: lovely, pretty melodies, lively.

Biber: absolutely insane, as advertised. Splendid.

Babell: Handel busked it, we're told, and Babell transcribed it. Fair play to both of them, then, as this was a stunning all-over-the-keyboard number. Go George. Go William! Go David Wright and his Magic Flying Fingers(tm)!

Handel: fabulous. Beautiful and spirited playing from these two very fine performers.

Lovely concert!

Location:Noble St,City of London,United Kingdom

More on Attlee and how to spell him correctly if you are, erm, 10 Downing Street

It has been pointed out to me by a delicate but usually reliable source that it may be construed as unhelpful to moan at 10 Downing Street (about their continued inability to purge the embarrassing misspelling “Atlee” from their webbity website) without actually explaining just what the current, ah, ishoos are.

I’m not sure about this (is it really a bit too spoon-feedy?) but the delicate but usually reliable source is someone I hate to argue with (and I never win) and maybe it will be useful or amusing or something, so here goes:

1. Parliamentary statement on Trident (4 December 2006) at http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page10532 – last paragraph contains “the Atlee Government” as illustrated above. Doh! indeed, Tamsin.
2. History Audio at http://www.number10.gov.uk/history-and-tour/prime-ministers-in-history/history-audio – under the header “Welcoming the United Nations”, the Attlee graphic has a bad filename and bad alt text too – two instances of “Atlee”. The bad spelling is not visible on the main page, but still needs fixed.
3. Clement Attlee (in Welsh) at http://www.number10.gov.uk/history-and-tour/welsh-history/welsh-pms-in-history/clement-attlee – main photo at the page top. Unsurprisingly it has the same problems as the page mentioned above – the graphic has a bad filename and bad alt text.
4. Syr Winston Churchill (in Welsh) at http://www.number10.gov.uk/history-and-tour/welsh-history/welsh-pms-in-history/winston-churchill – visible on the page, under the second-to-last subhead “Y Prif Weinidog nesaf” we have this: “Clement Richard Atlee 1945-51 Llafur.” I’m like no way man.
5. Italian Attlee at http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page12769 – same problems as the second and third examples above – bad filename and bad alt text for the graphic.

These were found on a quick Google search but I am sure that if you worked there you could do better than this when you were on a search-and-destroy mission for “Atlee”. Also please note that this Google search finds a couple of instances which no longer have the problem, so presumably the pages were corrected after the last time Google indexed them.  These are “Spanish Attlee” and the main Attlee page in Prime Ministers in History – so that’s good, and well done No. 10 because these are fixed already – hurrah!

And that concludes the voting of the Belgian jury.

Open letter to the web managers at 10 Downing Street

Hey guys,

Here’s a suggestion.

Learn to spell “Attlee”.

Come on, it’s not rocket science. Make a big notice and put it on the office wall or something. Make the next person to misspell it buy doughnuts for the whole office. Work out a strategy for checking and correcting (ermmm, quality control anyone?). Just do something.

Having it still spelt wrongly now is, frankly, pathetic and shameful. He’s been dead since 1967 – it’s not some novel new name of whoever won X Factor last week! I mean, dammit, I’ve been writing to you about it for years. You haven’t really taken any notice, and I must, sadly, conclude that you’re a bit incompetent. Is that unfair? If so, I’m sorry, and do please explain how so.

Here are a few Handy Hints on getting it right:

1. Do a site search for the spelling “Atlee”. Use Google, use your own web software, whatever. If you don’t know how to do this, please write for instructions (and send money).
2. Search again, more carefully, because, to be honest, you’re not very good at this, are you?
3. Have another go. This time check source code, look at the names of graphics, check in your alt text. Check carefully.
4. I know it’s pretty tough but you’re 10 Downing Street, you can do this.
5. Do it again and again until it is impossible for me or anyone else to find Attlee spelt incorrectly anywhere, in no matter how obscure and trivial a place, on your site. Don't guess that you might have done it right: know that you have.
   
6. Hurrah! You’re done. Have a nice cup of tea.

There you go. Have a great day.

With best wishes

Vogel von Neustadt
Concerned Citizen

Gig-a-blog™: Brooks, Sändig, Pells & Knizia

My first G-a-B for a while as I struggle with, er, stuff.

It's utterly delightful to be back at St Anne's for this concert of lovely music by Purcell and Buxtehude.

In my ignorance, before I started coming to this fabulous concert series many years (nay, gurt yonks) ago, I thought that Buxtehude would just be a sort of square version of Bach. Yes, I know, sorry. In fact, being shown round some of his clever, intricate music has been one of the greatest pleasures here for me. Wonderful.

Oh and he's on here in a double bill with Purcell. My cup, frankly, runneth over, yes indeed.

Great players; a lovely concert. They've even arranged some sunshine.

Verdict: nicer than bunny-wunnies.

Location:Foster Ln,City of London,United Kingdom

The back pew of this church discriminates against chubby chaps!

... and I should jolly well know!

Something must be done.

Ahem.

Yes.

Carry on please.

Location:Gresham St,City of London,United Kingdom

The Black Bull, Balsham

http://www.blackbull-balsham.co.uk/ fantastic walker-friendly pub with stunningly good food. Go there now!

Location:27 High St, Balsham, Cambridge, CB21 4DJ

Why is it SO difficult to find your seat on a train?

Pretty much every time I travel on a train which has booked seats - or indeed an aircraft ditto ditto, come to think of it - there are incredible scenes of confusion as people fail to find the seat they're meant to be in. Apparently it's really very difficult to: examine your ticket; see that you are in coach C, seat 23; walk to and board coach C; sit in seat 23.

Why is this? The actions outlined seem to represent a terrible challenge to people who seem otherwise capable, have made it to the station, and look like they know how to play tunes on their iPod. It's bizarre, and I should probably stop writing now before I collapse into horrible intolerance.

Just before I do, though, here's a little hintette-series for travellers on Virgin Pendolinos between London and Manchester (and perhaps many other destinations besides, but what do I know?):

1. You're standing there being clueless and helpless;
2. Even though you've found the right pair of seats, you still don't know which is yours.
3. You're looking at the little LCD screen above the window and it doesn't seem very helpful.
4. Here's my suggestion. Forget the LCD screen for now.
5. Instead, look at the labels on the "ears" which stick out into the aisle for people to hang onto.
6. Look Tamsin! Look Colin! The "ears" have the seat numbers on!
7. See the lovely seat numbers!!
8. Now here's the clever bit: the seat numbers are like a map of the seats.
9. The number nearest you represents the seat nearest you.
10. The number further away represents the seat further away from you.
11. I know it's tough but try to stay with me here.

12. Gosh, this is really a bit OCDish and bonkers isn't it? I must have been in a foul mood when I wrote it (makes a change). Hmmm. Revise, delete, ignore ... ?



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Mobile, hence terse.

Location:Lostock Rd,Poynton,United Kingdom

Quickoffice does Google Documents. Bliss.

Quickoffice have just upgraded their iPhone app, for free, so it can talk to Google Docs.

If you don't know why I might think this is a Big Deal, please don't worry about it - boring techie stuff.

If you do get it, you may understand why I'm so thoroughly blissed out by this lovely improvement. Say yay. Say woo. Say oh look I say that's really rather good, actually.

Marvellous. Scribbling life just got better. Thank you, lovely Quickoffice people, for sorting this out.

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Mobile, hence terse.

Location:Alexandra Park Rd,Haringey,United Kingdom

Small World-o-rama

Missed bus badly, long wait billed for next: instant grump.

Went in pub for consoling half. (The other night they had run out of proper beer, which was a bit sad.)

To my great surprise and delight was served the said half (which was indeed proper nice beer) by one Freddie dL, star saxophonist and all-round Good Egg. We've known him since he was very small, which frankly he no longer is. Good or what? Yeah, I thought so,

Location:Palace Gates Rd,Tottenham,United Kingdom

Pret a Manger porridge

So delicious! :)

Location:Islington,United Kingdom

I’ve never been closer …

Oh how lovely – BBC Radio 6 Music have got an amazing-sounding Heaven 17 and La Roux joint session coming up, a live gig at  Maida Vale on Friday night.

I’ve applied for tickets for this but so I imagine have 47 million other people, and it’s Tuesday now so I am not still holding my breath. I do think it might be interesting, though, and I will try to listen to it or record it or something.

Some readers will be aware that I have - how can I put this – another interest in this matter, a somewhat more, ahem, pecuniary one. Radio 6 are trailing this quite a lot and every time they do they play a couple of tiny Heaven 17 extracts, one of them, obviously, being Temptation. Well you would, wouldn’t you? It sounds like the single or standard album version (same thing, I think), and if it is, and the chunks are big enough to trigger payments, then I might be making a few bob here.

Of course I’m wildly out of touch with all this … it may not be the right version, and the short moments they play may be teeny enough to be exempt or something … but who knows? I’ll find out in a month or two and, for the meantime, it’s a nice thought.

And now I'm here ...

... outside Islington Town Hall. Ah the happy memories.

Oh hang on, there aren't any. Not of that particular place. Ho hum.


- MobileHenceTerse

Location:Upper St,Islington,United Kingdom

I'm blogging on the

... bus.

This is most exciting. I'm writing and sending this blogulistic entity from a big red London omnibus. Hold very tight please! (Ding ding!)


- MobileHenceTerse

Location:Holloway Rd,Islington,United Kingdom

He’s a funny old chap, that G*d. (The Odeon lays it on the line.)

As I write, it is still a bit cold and snowy and icy all over the UK.

The Odeon has an interesting take on what has been going on:

“Selected cinemas have been affected by adverse weather.”

Now, I have to confess that I find this statement theologically very interesting and actually rather exciting. I do wish that a Bishop would read this blog, then maybe she could give us an authoritative comment … though non-Bishops are of course also very, very welcome.

Pics of previous years’ mobhanded icing attempts

As requested by a Regular Reader (and Kronprinzeßin).

2005

2007

 

2008

 

No, I don’t know what happened in the other years! :)

GJ’s Christmas Cake recipe

Ingredients

• 8 oz sultanas
• 8 oz raisins
• 4 oz currants
• 2 oz mixed peel
• 2 oz glace cherries, halved
• 6 oz dried apricots, chopped
• 2 oz dried apples, chopped
• 4 oz dried dates, chopped
• 4 oz dried peaches, chopped
• 4 oz dried pears, chopped

(Note after all the dried fruit: “If you cannot get all these it will probably be OK if you get different weights, as long as they more or less even up to the same total amount. If you can’t get the variety in the shops try the Julian Graves website.”)

• 8 oz butter
• 8 oz brown sugar
• Grated rind and juice of a lemon
• Grated rind and juice of an orange
• 4 fl oz orange juice
• 4 fl oz brandy
• ½ tsp grated nutmeg
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp allspice
• ½ tsp ground ginger
• ¼ tsp ground cardamom
• 1 tbsp black treacle
• 5 eggs, beaten
• 11 oz plain flour, white
• 1 tsp baking powder

Method

Put the fruit, butter, sugar, lemon and orange zest and juice, into a large pan with 4 fl oz water. Bring slowly to the boil, stir and simmer, covered, for 10 minutes.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly. Add the brandy and spices and transfer to a large bowl. When cold, cover and put in a cool place (not the fridge) for three days, stirring daily.

Line a 10-inch round cake tin with double sheets of greaseproof paper.

Preheat the oven to 170°C/325°F/gas mark 3.

Stir the treacle into the boiled fruit and beat in the eggs.

Sift flour and baking powder and stir into the mixture. It will be slightly sloppy.

Turn it into the tin and bake for about 4½ hours.

Note – excessive hotness

In consultation with the great GJ herself and with the Junior GJ-Cakemaking Year 10 Work-Experience Trainee Apprentice Team of Drs AC and DY, the following has emerged: this cake has a slight tendency to burn on top. The following advice has been offered:

1. Keep an eye on temperature and time, and maybe consider reducing temperature
2. Keep an eye on the cake itself towards the end. (Yes Tamsin: Duh indeed.)
3. Consider giving it a lid of greaseproof paper fairly early in the cooking process. Not touching the cake mix itself but over the top of the tin. There’s no science on what effect this has … er, convection currents anyone?? Maybe it’s just magic. I know, I know … go figure.
4. It’s a huge cake, and is meant to be iced. Having, therefore, to saw the top off due to its frazzlation is not such a disaster and has certainly happened “more than once”, I am told.